Is it really okay not to be okay?

I am pretty sure everyone may have hear or read these words “It is okay not to be okay” from somewhere. Cliche as it may be but it is really true!

We all have our fair share of struggles, anxieties, challenges we are yet to overcome, and a lot more in our lives. There may be times you wanted to just run away, or escape from everything just for a while. Lucky you, if you’ve can, and you’ve got tons of time to spare. And for those who can’t, come sit with me, and let us discuss this over a cup of coffee. Oh, wait! Make it cups! 😉

When I was still studying, I was still a bit of idealistic on how to deal with specific matters. For instance, I was so used to organizing things and making sure that everything is on schedule. But, of course life is never perfect! There will be times where I need to be working on a project on a such short notice and not to mention with a deadline.

There goes my rattled self. Overthinking. Underestimating myself. And even thinking of failing already without even starting anything yet. And so I started procrastinating.

Then I started working. Sure, it is a fact that my employer would be expecting the best from me (mainly why they hired me, right?) This time, I’m not dealing with my grades anymore, I now got a scorecard I need to pass or else, my employment is at stake. And there goes my idealistic way of handling things. I am trying so hard to meet and exceed expectations. As for me, those are my only chances of succeeding. And of course, there has come a time that I failed to hit the target, passed my scorecard for a month. And that hits me big time! I got demotivated. Judged myself! I even think of quitting just because I consider myself not fit anymore for the job.

Moving on to next phase of my life,  I became a mother. Since I was a bit young when I became one, I still have to deal on knowing the things I want, over the things I needed to prioritize first. I wanted to pursue the degree I’ve finished, work and spend time on things I love doing. Basically, fulfilling my passion, and following my dreams. Too bad the circumstances won’t allow me. I needed a job that would fit into my schedule as a mom, and most importantly will help with our financial needs. Not only determining what career path must I take was difficult for me, it is also the choice I have to make on whether I needed to stay at home and be with my daughter as she grows up, or be more practical and have a job that will support her needs.

These are the things I once thought easy to deal with. Things I thought I could make a decision right away. Until it all happened to me. I thought I have my life perfectly planned. I thought writing down things on my planner will make my life be organized, smooth and seamless.

Ladies, mommas, and everyone out there reading this, I hope you all understand what I am pointing at. There are times, instances, in our lives where we do not have a say of how it should be happening. You cannot always expect things will turn out as you planned. Sure it is good that you’ve got your whole life planned ahead, but always consider of having alternatives.

I once read this from a Facebook post my mom tagged me:

“People around you might seem to go ahead of you, some might seem to be behind you.

But everyone is running their own RACE, in their own TIME. Don’t envy them or mock them. They are in their TIME ZONE, and you are in yours! Life is about waiting for the right moment to act.

So, RELAX. You’re not LATE. You’re not EARLY. You are very much ON TIME, and in your TIME ZONE Destiny set up for you.”

 

So if you’re not doing okay as of the moment, I hope this helped. Even just for a little. 🙂

 

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Keyomi!

Maaaring makakita kayo ng pangalan na “Yomibear”, “Yomi” , “Mahal” o “Zaldy” sa mga posts ko kaya ipapakilala ko na siya!

TL (team leader) ko siya nun sa pangalawang company na pinasukan ko. Napakahirap ng account (telco, alam na this!) , yung tipong takot na takot ako sa bawat tawag na matatanggap ko kasi nahihirapan talaga ako masolusyunan problema nila. Sabi ng ibang kilala ko na matagal na doon, napakaswerte ko raw at kay “TL Yomi” ako napunta. Isa raw siya sa pinakamababait na supervisor sa account na yun. Sa unang tingin, mukhang isnabero, suplado at walang tiyaga sa mga tao sa paligid niya. Pero nung nakausap ko na siya nag iba naman lahat. Mabait naman pala. Hanggang sa nairaraos ko ang bawat araw kahit hirap na hirap na ako dahil sa tulong niya.

Sabi ko nga nun “Kung hindi lang siguro siya ang TL ko, baka umalis na ako dito.” Linya ko palagi kapag kinakamusta ako. Hanggang sa tumagal, nakilala ko siya ng husto. Hindi naging maganda ang simula ng lahat sa amin. Malabo talaga pero unti unting naging maayos kasi nagtiwala kami sa isa’t isa. Nagtulungan kami. Araw-araw, gabi-gabi, kain dito, kape doon. Kwento dito, tawa doon. Sobrang saya ng bawat minuto na kasama ko siya. Hanggang sa nagtagal at nakilala ko siya ng lubusan. At ngayon na magkasama na kami sa iisang bahay, lalo ko pa siyang nakikilala at lalo kong minamahal.

Siya kasi yung tipo na kahit ipakita ko yung totoong ako, wala siyang pakialam. Malaki ang agwat ng edad namin pero hindi ko naramdaman yun sa pagsasama namin. Na kahit minsan ang lame ng jokes ko, natatawa pa rin siya. Na kahit minsan, wala ako sa sarili ko o lutang, ayos lang, kaya niya mag-adjust makasabay lang sa akin. Siya pa lang yung natatanging kinakaya lahat ng mood swings ko. At nako naman, napakahaba ng pasensya niya. Minsan kahit anu-ano ng nasasabi ko, tatahimik lang siya, hahayaan akong maglabas ng sama ng loob, at mamaya lang kundi ako yayakapin, may dala ng paborito kong pagkain. Na kahit ano kaya kong sabihin at ikwento sa kanya na walang iniisip na baka i-judge niya ako ng dahil lang doon. Sobrang prinsesa ako sa kanya. Kaya naman din siguro nagustuhan siya ng pamilya ko. Nakikita ko nga minsan ang tatay ko sa kanya. Pareho silang mabait, matiyaga at maintindihin.

Naalala ko minsang nag-away kami ng mama ko, sabi niya sa akin “Sa ugali mong yan, sana makahanap ka ng katulad ng papa mo na napakamaintindihin.”

Ma, nahanap ko na po, dumating na po. Hehe. 🙂
Kaya naman minsan, yung mga simpleng bagay na pwede kong gawin para sa kanya ay ginagawa ko kahit ayoko talaga. Katulad ng pagluluto, gusto ko taga-kain lang ako. Pero pinilit kong matuto para may maihanda ako sa kanya bago man lang siya pumasok. Kahit magkasugat ako kakahiwa, walang problema, mailuto ko lang mga gusto niyang ulam. Kahit ilang beses ako mapaso, walang kaso basta may kanin siya. Ang pagtimpla ng kape sa kanya, kahit ba 3in1 yun, hinalo ko ng may kasamang buong pagmamahal ko yun. Odiba? Ang tupiin ang mga damit niya, salubungin siya sa pinto sa pagdating niya. May yakap agad siya mula sa akin, alam ko kasi na-stress yun sa trabaho. Pero hindi ko na nagagawang salubungin siya sa pagdating niya, anong oras na kasi ako nagigising nitong mga nakaraang araw. Ganunpaman, walang kaso yun. Siya naman nakikita ko pag gising na pag gising ko eh.

Sa wakas may naidagdag na akong magagandamg kwento sa blog na ‘to.

Isusunod ko na rin mga adventures namin. (Nung nagpunta kaming Baguio)
Ewan ko ba at kung anong swerte o nagawa ko para magkaroon ng blessing na katulad niya. At isa pa darating na yung blessing naman na para sa aming dalawa, si Anastasia. Sigurado akong magiging mabuting daddy siya.

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Sabi nga sa kanta ni Yeng Constantino…

“Ikaw ang pagibig na binigay sa akin ng Maykapal, biyaya ka sa buhay ko…”

keooo

Opposite direction.

There is a particular kind of suffering to be experienced when you love something greater than yourself. A tender sacrifice.

Like the pained silence felt in the lost song of a mermaid; or the bent and broken feet of a dancing ballerina.

But no, I just can’t. And I think I’ll never be able to take a step away from you.

keooo